This is a safe space.
Steady Beginnings
The hope that one day, life will smile in our favour. And this time, it will last.
For the longest time, I wondered what the next year, two years, or five years after would be like, while forgetting to live in the present year. There is no time like today.
We do not talk enough about the silent gravitating pain that leeches to our existence while we long for the life we have imagined our whole life and quietly hope we do not settle. The blurred lines of our career yet to take off.
We mourn for the grades that do not match up our efforts. For the countless rejection mails sitting pretty in our inbox. The unread chats waiting to be attended to. The calls, unanswered. The difficult talks we hope to never have. The underpaid job that brings home peanuts. The smiles gradually fading.
We spend longer hours in bed hoping the day would just pass us by. Then again, we get reminded that life would not turn out except we take a step of action. So yeah, we get up grudgingly.
On other mornings, we shoot out of bed at the sound of our alarms, get to our quiet time, brush our teeth, hit the gym or get exercise done indoor and end our morning routine with a nice long cold shower giving us the time to reflect on the rewards and consequences of past decisions.
Each day, sometimes a repeat of the previous day, other times something new to look forward to. Whichever, time reveals what life has in stock.
Reminds me of the song "Santa Claus is coming to town, have you been naughty or good the entire year?"
Hold on to the peace of steady beginning with the bigger picture in sight. Life will eventually add up, or not.
The only way to know is to try.
We lose some, we gain some.
We are all just characters in each other stories.
I am too familiar with the feeling of loss. I can tell its tale like a mother narrating her labour room experience...
The first is always the worst. It leaves you wondering if that's how life is going to be henceforth. You begin walking on eggshells around people, experiences and things, nervously waiting for them to walk away, pulled out of your grip or just nowhere to be found.
Over time, you learn to live with the acceptance that loss is inevitable in life.
Hence, grief is all of the love unshared for these people, things and experiences.
We react, we cry, we long for one more opportunity to love them loudly and in ways that will maybe, keep them around.
The unwavering ache in our chest quietly reminds us that one day, we would be the ones leaving, dying, fading from the ones and things we love.
This bed will sit untouched for years, waiting for the familiar feel our warm body to lay on it so it can bask in our after-shower scent. But nothing. You will cross the mind of those who once loved you. At first, very often. Much later, once in a while. In no time, only on your special days.
The way we lose people, things and experiences without warning is the same way we gain them.
Think back to the first time you met your best friend or your favorite group of friends. Very unplanned.
Or, the first time you had your favorite dessert.
Life unfolds.
After all, every book has its chapters and characters.
This life of ours.
I am getting unfamiliar with the feeling of disappointment.
Everyone is trying to keep it together.
Someone is on their way home after a long day.
Someone is battling with long term family issues.
Someone is fighting addiction.
Someone just got fired from their job.
Someone just lost a loved one.
Someone just found out that their days are numbered.
Someone just had their heart broken.
Someone just opened a rejection mail.
Someone just paid their bills with their last cash.
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Offer a smile, compliment people when you can, pay their water bills, write someone a note, pray for someone.
There is beauty in being the giver.
Seasons of yet.
A testament of our stories.
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| What God cannot do, does not exist. |
Life continued.
Sleep is an escape route. A coping mechanism. Life feels better when asleep. A way to make the spirit lighter and the heart, less heavy.
For the things we've imagined for the longest time but we're yet to achieve. Growth happens, steadily. We’re on the way. Don’t falter.
A career yet to take off or maybe like me, not even at the starting point. Or maybe I am. The experience and knowledge we gather all sums up to who we are meant to be. Nothing goes to waste.
The endless list of potentials hoping the next one is THE ONE. Or, dead to the thought of IT.
The desperate need to provide for our folks like they have been doing for us, for the longest time. To give them a better life, one that is comfortable and peaceful. Far from the chaos of continuing responsibility. They do deserve a break.
The friends we drop off so we can grow, the ones that drop us off because people change, the ones we lose in this fight of life, the ones we struggle to hold on to and the ones that we are rest assured will always be there no matter how much time passes. Friendship, such a beautiful concept.
The inconsistency in our spiritual life. And sometimes, I find myself not moving to reach out to my bible at 6:00am, I just think life through over and over again. Then wonder if it is worth it, holding on to the presence of God, the only thing that seems to make sense in my life.
Other times, I wake up refreshed and with hunger to see what message God has for me that day.
But we keep showing up, in faith. Believing it will turn out positively for us as well.
The confusion of what next. Stuck in a loop of endless circle. No job, no new opportunities, no offers, nothing to awaken the drive. But we keep going, don’t we all.
Understanding life is in seasons. Even those with the biggest breakthrough did not see it coming, they like us, hoped one day for it. We listen to their success stories and wonder when our own big break will happen forgetting that God is always right on time for everyone. never too late, never too soon.
And because, we were too busy staying strong, there was no time to be happy.
Create your happiness. Wait for no one.
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