You could call this my February dump; I do not mind.
There is something in the air and it's love. Some months back I'd have said 'Cover up, let's not get infected.' However, beauty is abundant in this month of love.
Here is to self-love, love of friendship, family love, and romantic love. The common thing about all these was explained in 1st Corinthians 13.
Love never fails.
So, if it did fail, it was never love.
I believe that every month has its colours. So, we can say February is a bit of white with red and grey splashed over it. It is a confident month yet filled with so much uncertainty attached to it.
It's still early in the year, and most of us are taking bold steps but with a very scared mind, however, we are doing a great job hiding behind our masks. If you're in such a situation, this is a safe space to rant.
This month, I took steps that are beyond me. I have always wanted to create content, preferably audio or written content. However, I am now behind the camera. You'd be shocked to realize the niche. It's something I've always loved so makes it a bit easier.
Although, some might say February was fast, but it did not feel like that to me. Honestly, I wanted it to come and go as soon as it could.
They say the best things you'll experience in life are those things you never planned for. I am at that age where I am pressured to do more and at the same time want to have as much fun as I can right now. I am young but I do not have the luxury of time at the same time. Thanks to the world economy, it waited for me to 'adult up' in order to pull this string of torture.
"These are supposed to be our best years", my friend texted one midnight a couple of days ago. I listened to her rant and complain about every single thing from school, life, building her career to relationships. I teared up listening to her voice shake. I slept with a heavy mind as I sent a prayer to heaven to make us strong enough to face this period.
"Why?" she muttered before going completely silent. I did not have an answer then, and neither do I now.
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| I am tired. How are you? |
Every morning, I push myself mentally to connect with Abba to motivate me for whatever the day is going to bring.
How does it feel to be extremely wealthy or a trust fund kid?
Do you also wake up with the knot of uncertainty deep within you?
Do you ask for the prices of goods and silently hope it has only increased slightly?
Do you know where your next meal is coming from?
Are cravings still a thing for you?
Do you wait the entire day so you can do 0-0-1?
What pushes you to tears at midnight when no one sees you?
What drives you to show up each day?
Do your legs shake in anxiety each time you open a rejection mail? "We are sorry to inform you…"
Do you wait for an extremely long time before you call home for funds?
Are there burdens waiting to be lifted off your chest?
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| Sasha really did a thing with her songs. >>> |
For the longest time, I wanted a best friend up until the last two years.
I am gradually learning to be my own best friend and enjoy my time alone. Being alone is way different from being lonely so no, it does not get lonely. While being alone gives me a feeling of satisfaction that at the end of the day, I am all by myself. Loneliness is void and holds sadness and emptiness.
"There is power here, alone."
I used to have a collaboration page for me and an old friend, but things are no longer the way they used to be. They say people grow up. I guess it happens faster than you can blink your eyes. More so, with the people, you never saw it coming from. Or maybe, you did.
Nothing lasts. A strong reason why we should enjoy whatever period we find ourselves in and with whatever person it is with. Cheers to allowing ourselves to live a little more in the coming months.
Because what if our time runs out?
And when it does, when I die, I hope someone loves me enough to visit my grave and re-tell tales of our happy moments.
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